MOMENTS

A 4-part performance project on Freinds, love, family & self

Release Date: 05/01/23

The Concept

What is Moments and how did you come up with this project?

Moments was my Senior Year Capstone Project at ASU. I created this project after seeing Sam Smith’s streamed concert for their album Love Goes. It was around the start of the pandemic and online streaming concerts were beginning to be a popular thing. It was a live session performance that was shot with multiple cameras and I automatically fell in love with the idea of potentially doing something similar. I didn’t know I would take this idea and run it to the finish line, now that I look back on it. This project is essentially a collection of song performances that I personally relate to some extent. Songs that I felt emotionally reflected what I was going through at certain times of my life. Initially, it was supposed to be 12 songs but as I continued to refine the vision with the guidance of my ASU faculty mentors for the project, I realized that it would be best to cut some songs in order to make it more manageable to execute, which led us to 4. The themes I wanted to incorporate were still there after we boiled it down, but I wanted to make sure it was a project that was at a reasonable scale based on budget, my current performing skill at the time, and various other factors.

Questions & Answers

Why did you create this project?

There were several puzzle pieces of why I wanted to do this project but one of the main ones was that I wanted to do a project about who I was and what I’ve gone through. I think because I’ve been used to acting and being in the shoes of other people on stage or in film projects, I wanted to do a project that simply painted my experiences through singing, which at the time, was still a relatively new skill for me. Additionally, a lot of vulnerability is involved when it comes to acting. You really have to be open and accepting of the flaws and imperfections of the character you will play. It’s a lot of empathy. But to be vulnerable to others as yourself about your lived experiences is I think one of the hardest things that you can do. You don’t open up about your personal stories to anyone or random strangers that can easily judge or pull apart your words. So in a way, this project is my way of not only practicing honesty and vulnerability but also letting go of the feelings and stories that no longer served me so I could make room for new experiences.

The other main reason that I wanted to do this was that I knew that it would challenge me to become a better performer. I had only picked up singing for 3 years by the time I brought this project to life and I knew I wanted to get used to it because I love to sing and really wanted to get better at it. Performance anxiety is something that I have gotten better at thanks to this project and I want to keep on growing by doing things that are beyond my comfort zone.

“I think you can really tell a lot about a person based on the music they listen to.”

What was the pre-production process like for you and as the director and performer, how were you able to balance both roles?

Because there were a lot of moving parts for this project, it was overwhelming to have to juggle multiple things at once. I had meetings with crew members, continued to review and refine my vision to make it reasonable and executable, had to practice with my guitarist and pianist, had classes and homework, singing lessons, guitar lessons, piano lessons, and a bunch of other things. This was my first time directing for the first time so I was learning new things and made my fair share of mistakes along the way. I also recorded in a studio for the first time, which was really challenging at first and an experience I’ll never forget. It was a lot to handle, to be honest, and this project really tested my limits. But at the end of it, I’m glad I had the guts to do this project because it really put me in the shoes of what directing was like. I know now how much I can handle and I’ve gained a lot from the experience in regard to bringing a vision to life, collaborating with other creatives, and performing under pressure.

How did you feel after you shot your project and what is one of the biggest takeaways you got from it?

After the project was shot, I had an Imagine Dragons concert one or two days later and that felt really rewarding to experience knowing how much time and effort I’ve poured into my senior year project. For this project, I sang an Imagine Dragons song too (It’s Time) and it was really cool to have Dan Reynolds, the singer of the band, take the pride flag that I was waving in the concert and have it paraded around the stage since the song that I sang for the project was essentially being proud of who I was. It did feel like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders after Moments was shot. Beforehand, I could only imagine how stressful it was like directing a film from listening to my film friends, but after having gone through it myself while also performing as well, I gained a new sense of respect for directors and filmmakers in general out there. Staying up late to make sure that certain things are being addressed and other aspects of the project are going well is tiring. It’s multitasking and definitely taxing to your mental and physical health as you near the shooting dates. I’ve never felt so much anxiety about anything until I started chipping away at this project, but I’m glad I was doing therapy at the time for other reasons alongside this project to help mitigate the stress.

I feel like in our society, we give so much praise and attention to creatives/actors/filmmakers who have “made it” and neglect or even look down on those who are still trying to. We choose to admire the blockbuster hits and academy-award-winning performances that we overlook or even choose to neglect the very first works of art that these people have made at the start. The foundational works that have eventually led to the successful person that they are today. That being said, the biggest thing I’ve gained from having directed for the very first time is the number one thing that any actor endlessly continues to seek and cultivate throughout their career, which is empathy. I know now how challenging it is now to direct and like I’ve said before, and I’ve gained a new level of empathy for the directors/creatives out there who are trying to “make it” and make things happen. Looking back at this project, I respect and honor what I and my collaborators have created. I wish I wasn’t been so hard on myself throughout the process and enjoyed myself a little bit more. I’m well aware now that there were some things that I could have done better, but I am still super grateful to have created this project with such amazing and patient film friends and musicians nonetheless. I’m excited to see what lies ahead, for myself and for these friends in their respective creative pursuits. I know this is just the beginning.

What was your favorite song to perform?

I really loved performing MAPA because it was a very meaningful song. It was a tribute to the sacrifices my parents had to go through to get to where my family is today. It was a challenging song to nail, but I’m proud of myself for how much it ended up compared to when I was just learning the song.

Are there any moments you wish to relive? If so what are those moments and why?

In regards to the themes embedded in the project, it would have to be hanging out with my friends when I was in high school. I was so naive and carefree with little obligations back then. It’s a bittersweet feeling looking back now because I haven’t reached out or seen them in a while. I still do wish the best for them and maybe we will cross paths again. But those moments of feeling adventurous are so nostalgic and something that would be nice to relive. Even if it was just for a few seconds. But now, really, I’m more intrigued by making new memories rather than ruminating about the past.

One of the themes you talked about for the project was love. What are your thoughts about love now compared to what they are right now?

It’s been a year since this project was shot and I’m not in a relationship right now so not much of a difference. Hahaha. But a lot of the relationships that I’ve had with other people, not even necessarily romantically. Like my relationship with my parents, siblings, relatives, friends, etc. Seeing what they’ve gone through and how their experiences have shifted their relationships with other people (for better or for worse) has drastically reshaped my perspective on what being in a romantic relationship should actually be like actually. Like for example, there are some people that I love. But I’ve learned that you don’t necessarily have to have them a part of your life in order to love them. You can love from a distance. And even in secret. Hahaha, I think a lot of us know what that’s like.

I think back then I was a hopeless romantic when it came to love. As I said in this project, I liked this guy but I knew they would never like me back so I just kept it all to myself because I didn’t want to ruin the friendship. I refused to believe that what I went through was 100% what falling in love was like, despite the fact that he was constantly in my mind most of the time. There were no other past experiences that I could use as a reference to really determine that was exactly falling in love was.

Like it’s hard for gay people to meet other gay guys naturally. Dating apps just feel like a waste of time for me cause 99.9% of the time they lead nowhere. I used to swipe through dating apps, but I don’t know, I feel like the right person will just come to you as cheesy as that might sound. I don’t think anyone should try to chase anyone. Or force anything. I thought love was complicated then and I still think love is complicated now.

What did you learn about yourself throughout the making of the project?

I learned that I take on too much than what I can handle. I was being super ambitious with this project if I’m honest with myself, I should have cut myself some slack considering that it was my first film project ever. But now I know my capabilities and limitations and I’m glad despite being so stressed out from time to time, I learned a lot from doing this project. Even to this day, I feel like I could sit down and deeply reflect more on the experience to gain a much more refined insight.

Is there anything about the past that you wish you could change? If so Why?

In regard to my life experiences about what I put into this project, I would say no. I think I needed to learn what I needed to learn from them for future me.

In regards to bringing this project to life, however, I do feel like I could’ve been a better director. I was focused on my performance and the preparation associated with that so much that I feel like I could have addressed and managed certain aspects of the pre-production and production process more timely and better overall. Moving forward for future projects, I will definitely keep this in mind. I’ve also mentioned this before but I wish I had enjoyed the process of doing this project more too. I think that I was too caught up with making sure everything goes well during production (which it did) that I didn’t give myself permission to make mistakes along the way. I was putting myself under so much pressure that for any new projects in the future, I just want to make sure I’m having fun throughout.

Prior to each performance (except MAPA), you gave a piece of advice to your younger self about how you would navigate the situation you were dealing with. What advice would you give to yourself right now moving forward?

I would say to continue living out of my comfort zone as much as I can, which is one of the reasons why I wanted to do this project in the first place. Sidetrack, I’ve been learning how to dance recently which has been a lot of fun and I have no solid experience whatsoever, but it’s outside of my comfort zone and something that I believe could be useful later down the road. But to get back to the question, I would also say to stay more in tune with what I want out of life and give myself permission to believe that I am good enough no matter what other people think about me as a person or my work. I’ve gotten way better at it now with the help of journaling and meditating. One of my friends named Lance said that people are going to judge you anyways so you might well do what you want to do and be what you want to be. And I sat with that for a while. Because I feel like when I look back at the younger version of myself, I think one of the things that I have subconsciously absorbed was the idea that I wasn’t good enough. There would be moments throughout my life when I felt like that. And sometimes when I meditate or sit in silence and do some self-reflection, I would feel sad for my younger self for having accepted that idea to make a nest in my mind. The first person who really made me feel that I was good enough was my singing teacher Carlos. When I was just starting out he would remind me of this, wherever I was in my singing journey at that time. And when there would be difficult days that made me feel like I was less than the person I wanted to become or thought I should be, I would hear him say these three words in my head.

I’ve done a lot of inner work to remind myself that I am where I need to be. Life can feel like it’s moving faster than you can keep up sometimes. But the more I sit alone with myself, with the healthier mindset that I’ve cultivated for years now, the closer I feel to knowing what my purpose is in life. And deep down I feel like everyone does have a purpose. It’s really what some people can say or do to you that can blind you from acknowledging what that really is.

I hope this little story of mine reminds you of what you want out of life. And I hope you realize you are enough every step of the way.

What are you looking forward to now?

A lot of things, but first and foremost to really break out of my shell more. I’m excited to keep on singing and performing. I’ve been dancing and singing at events recently and that’s been really fun and rewarding and something that I would love to keep doing. I definitely plan on doing more covers like these but at a much simpler scale. I would also love to collaborate with other musicians too and brush up on songs I’ve written on my notes app. I definitely want to do more acting and help out on sets, but most importantly I would love to get to know the business aspect better. There are several other very exciting things that I want to do and potential projects running around in my head, but I really just want to keep them to myself for now. I believe that your dreams in life are sacred to you and in a way, I just don’t want others to take ruin them or take them away from me. This is not out of fear but from self-respect really. But I am excited to get better at the things I love to do. I’ve grown a lot ever since I created Moments and I want to keep growing. I look forward to getting to know the better version of myself as an actor, musician, and creative in general.